Tonight I’m flying back to New York for the first time since we moved here. Although I’ll visit some of my favorite places, it won’t be the same, because it’s no longer home. I long to bring Ferris with me, to see if he flickers with recognition when the subway rumbles or when he sees his baby handprints on the wall of his old daycare. But for this short birthday trip, I long to sleep past 5 am even more.
Priorities aren’t as simple anymore.
Just about every neighborhood in the city has been marked with memories of his babyhood; how sad I will be when I see these places without him. We’d planned to stay in New York until private school tuition forced our hand, but to my surprise, I wanted Ferris to have roots and have a connection with our friends and families. The importance of making these lifetime connections outweighed all that we left behind.
But nobody said letting go would be easy. I especially miss our commute together on the subway and the unexpected interactions Ferris inspired in New Yorkers. I loved bringing him along on my daily routines, as they slowly became our daily routines. Every mundane errand became a fun adventure when I had Ferris with me. These days we ride in the car as a family and listen to music on our way to work. But, oh, the damned car seat. It's only inches away, but it feels like miles to me.
When I take any excuse to bring the sling, he snuggles, giggles, bites (molars!), puts his hand down my shirt, asks for crackers, or "down down" complete with finger gestures. Our New York Ferris wasn't so spunky. As he develops, so do our connections to this place. To space, to impromptu family gatherings, to the entourage that joined us for his first haircut, to the people who will share these fond times with us.
Ferris and I share the Sakura Bloom Essential Linen Sling in Driftwood/Mint